Letter, 4: Seeking

It was dark, 

like the inside of a bank vault abandoned in space.
The darkness stripped me of my body, I was no longer trapped inside my skin.
My new flesh was made of empty space,
and not knowing its limitlessness made me feel so trapped.

So I escaped, into my self.

I looked within to understand without.
I searched and searched but could only find darkness.
My mind was in limbo, between my minds limits and my souls immaturity.

I needed to find myself.

I looked deeper, but I only  found what I hated, my insecurities.
The ugliness I could not scrub away with water or hide with clothes and cream.
I wanted to run, but I was already trapped

So I faced the things I hated about my identity.

Hating them only made me fear them even more,
fear what I was and what I did not want others to know.
But why....why did "others" matter when I only had myself to find.
So I left those thoughts behind, with the darkness to find my light.

I accepted my problems.

I understood their origins and why I failed to stop them, initially.
But with my understanding I now ask, "why should I hate them?"
They made me who I am now, the questioner of self,
the seeker of self.

So I learned to live with them; the problems of the past.

And my soul began to mature, my mind began to expand,
and I realized that the darkness that had consumed me,
destroyed me,
was only me eyes; they had been shut.

I was walking with ignorance, forgetting my past and ignoring the signs leading to my future.

I was walking without seeking a footing; trudging along a path that was soulless;
without meaning.
And now that I had looked into myself, into who I am,
I had found my place, my home

My self

Letter 3: Polishing

Walking down the path,
again.

Thinking about the repetition,
again.

Looking at the sky,
again.

Feeling my eyes water,
again.

Breathing the fresh air,
again.

Judging the distance between me and space,
again.

Thinking of light and of shadows,
again.

Yet, with every repetition there is a difference,
the cycle becomes more polished with constant passing.